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Qualities of kindness

Note: The qualities in this section are phrased towards others. But they are all also relevant to a one’s attitude towards one’s self.

Politeness

Politeness (also: Courtesy) is showing good manners and behaving in a civilized way toward others so as not to offend them and make them feel more comfortable. For example, not shouting, cursing, ridiculing, disrupting someone’s speech. (Opposite: rudeness)

Consideration

Consideration (being considerate of others) means being aware of and caring about another person’s feelings and wishes, showing regard for them, and taking them into account when deciding on one’s actions. This is in order to minimize disturbing them and to respect their personal boundaries. For example, trying not to make noise that disturbs others, and leaving every place clean and without garbage, in a better condition than we found it. (Opposite: inconsideration, egotism)

Friendliness

Friendliness means being approachable, being open to talk and relate, smiling, showing a pleasant disposition, trying to make others feel at ease, being considerate of others, and showing affection. (Opposite: coldness, hostility, being reserved)

Fairness

Fairness means treating others in a just manner, as you would like to be treated, without deceit, fraud, or exploitation.

Reliability

Reliability (also: Trustworthiness) means to present things in a true, complete and accurate manner that can be trusted, and to act in a dependable manner, a way that others can rely upon.

Toleration

Toleration is acceptance of, or at least patience with, the beliefs and practices of others, even when you disagree or dislike them. Not interfering with them or prohibiting them. Also the opposite of prejudice and discrimination. [A discussion is needed here about the proper boundaries of toleration.] (Opposite: intolerance)

Compassion

Compassion is having sensitivity to the suffering of another, allowing ourselves to be moved by their suffering, and experiencing a motivation to help alleviate it. While sympathy is responding from sorrow and concern, compassion is responding with warmth and care. (Opposite: harshness, animosity, cruelty)

Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference. To be sensitive enough to detect the other person’s emotions. It’s the capacity to understand another person’s point of view, to place oneself in another’s position. While sympathy is more distant – concern but not shared emotion, empathy is stronger – understanding and sharing the other’s emotion. (Opposite: apathy, disdain)

Emotional containment

Emotional containment is the ability to withstand painful emotions without getting carried away by them and without them activating us. For example, when we are faced with a burst of anger towards us, emotional containment allows us to see the situation in a neutral way, as a natural emotional expression of the other, and observe it compassionately, without feeling anger or fear in response (or at least in low intensity). Similarly, emotional containment towards ourselves allows us, on the one hand, to experience the painful emotions that exist as a part of us, without forgetting our true Essence, and without these emotions taking over our consciousness and managing it.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim of an offense undergoes a change in feelings and attitude regarding the offense or the offender, and overcomes negative emotions such as resentment and vengeance or a desire for punishment or retribution (however justified they might be). Forgiveness does not mean excusing the offender from their responsibility, and it may or may not include waiving the desire for compensation. It is based on the understanding that everyone is limited by their own knowledge and abilities. Forgiveness may be in communication with the offender, but it may also focus only on releasing the hold on negative emotions that may actually hurt the victim himself. [A discussion is needed here about the proper boundaries of forgiveness.] (Opposite: blame, punishment)

Generosity

Generosity is being willing to donate time, talents, money, or other resources in order to help another. A special kind of generosity is charity or selfless service that is performed without any expectation of award or recognition for the volunteer. (Opposite: stinginess, selfishness) See more…

Authenticity

[TBD: This is not so much related to kindness, but to our relationships with others. Showing yourself as you truly are. Openness, candor, showing vulnerability. Not hiding or being shy.]